What We Can Learn About Dating From 6 Books

According to a Pew Research Center survey, 5% of American adults who are casually dating or looking for a relationship say they are mostly dissatisfied with their dating lives. Factors for this dissatisfaction vary across different age groups and genders; some may cite age, economic status, location, and difference in race or religious background, while others are informed by past negative expiating opportunities the dating opportunities seem ubiquitous, it is not without challenges.

Luckily, we’ve compiled a list of things you can learn about dating from five books:

Send thoughtful messages (Just Send the Text)

Modern dating has evolved— what with the rise of smartphones and social media platforms. Suddenly, we don’t just fuss over what our messages mean directly, but also if they are read with the correct tone and depth virtually. More often than not, we’re left to read out our texts over and over just to determine if they’re okay to send. In Just Send the Text, Candice Jalili equips you with the ultimate cheat sheet for modern dating. Here, she demonstrates how to be adept across social media, texting, and dating apps. While internalizing these tips is one thing, messages also need to communicate thoughtfulness as we discussed in our post ‘Good Morning Message to Make Her Fall in Love. Send a text to your partner first thing in the morning, and slip in a compliment while you’re at it. Sincerity is a tried and tested tool for achieving love, after all.

Identify your past hurts (Breakup Bootcamp)

Because the scope of dating experiences is wide, it isn’t unlikely you’ve had a bad relationship. Acknowledging how negatively a relationship has affected you in the past is the first step to overcoming the residual pain. Admittedly, heartbreak can hinder your motivation to find new, healthier relationships and even set you back to destructive habits— which is exactly what Amy Chan seeks to help you avoid. In the book Breakup Bootcamp, she intersperses psychological research amidst personal anecdotes to craft a powerful narrative about healing. Before healing, Chan says that you will need to address your past hurts first. For example, look for commonly shared themes around quarrels with your previous partner. What was their communication style? Did they ignore discussing heavy topics or were aggressive during arguments? Thinking back to these quarrels, and assessing them, can help you handle future relationships by knowing what to avoid.

Recognize your attachment style (Attached)

Whether we admit it or not, our behavior informs a large facet of how we approach relationships. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller clarify the science behind why some people triumph in love, while others can’t find their footing. Attached tackles the three attachment styles that affect how we enter, and presumably either break or sustain, a relationship. For instance, whereas avoidant people tend to distrust their partner’s ability to love them back, secure individuals are confident enough to thrive in intimacy. Meanwhile, anxious people have another host of worries: from putting too much pressure on themselves to be perfect to worrying over their partner’s capacity to return their love. The guide is as thought-provoking as it is useful, armed with insights for those who wish to foster stronger connections and relationships.

Focus on meaningful conversations (Eight Dates)

Having quality conversations gives you a sense of satisfaction, specifically when it feels as though you’re connecting with a person. However, it can be daunting not knowing where to start. Eight Dates lists down conversation prompt on money, sex, and trust that invite careful reflection and bolster open communication. There’s an inherent intimacy to these topics, so you should always embody honesty. For instance, be transparent about your economic status; this can be as simple as mentioning what job you have. If you can, talk about how you manage your own money so your partner can get a sense of how you tackle finances or budgeting. Likewise, discuss your sexual preferences. Communicating your desires will give your partner the ability to assess whether or not you’re sexually compatible. Ultimately, these talks can determine if you’re both equally ready for the responsibility of a committed relationship.

Establish healthy boundaries (Set Boundaries, Find Peace)

Healthy relationships breed independence. Set Boundaries, Find Peace is grounded on the latest research in cognitive behavioral therapy to guide you in practicing healthy communication and establishing expectations. Simply put, Nedra Glover Tawwab adeptly expresses the need for individuals to exercise their agency in a relationship— which of course, can only be achieved by having tough conversations. Boundaries should be discussed and established to swiftly circumvent anxiety, codependency, and power struggles between couples. There are several ways to achieve this; one is by communicating your hopes, failures, and needs to your partner. Another is by knowing when to be assertive and when to say no. The capacity to be vocal about your opinions and emotions enables you to build confidence in your relationship.

Discuss career trajectories together (Couples That Work)

Careers can complicate your dating life, especially when you aren’t open about your ambitions. . Couples That Work is an incisive guide for dual-career couples struggling to balance career and love. Dual-career couples are defined as those passionate about career development. The book invites couples to recognize and reflect on relationship crises particularly evolving career and work challenges. Shifting jobs, taking on more responsibilities in your current role, or getting promoted— are changes that necessitate conversations, especially since they can affect the time you spend together or the finances you might end up sharing in the future. In doing so, couples can even acknowledge how no one’s career takes precedence over the other. These conversations can also prevent you from growing apart and encountering feelings of hurt and inadequacy.

Some more dating books to consider:

The Unplugged Alpha

This book distills all of the content of Cooper’s popular YouTube channel into an
easy-to-read guide that can be helpful for both men and women. It covers
everything from the basic red pill ideology to dating tactics and man-to-man
information about women and men. The result is a no-bullsh*t guide for men who
want to win women over. Not only is it chock full of bullet-pointed dating tips, but it
also gives readers a better understanding of the male frame and mental point of
origin.

The Art of Seduction

The Art of Seduction is a book written by Michael Banovac. It teaches readers how to
woo men and create emotional intimacy. It also teaches how to use charm to attract
and keep women. It is a must-read for women who want to improve their
relationship skills. The author also shares his personal experiences with seduction
and how he has been able to build lasting relationships.
The first part of the book focuses on the human condition and the different types of
love. While the book is long, the author breaks it up into manageable parts that
readers can easily skim through. For instance, the author discusses the importance
of being unpredictable and appealing to the target’s spiritual nature.
The Art of Seduction is written by a former editor of Playgirl and Single Living
magazine. The book will change your approach to dating and relationships for good.
You can learn tips on dressing, how to get the attention of men, and how to make
the first date a success.

The Dating Playbook

The Dating Playbook is a romantic comedy that follows a personal trainer’s fake
dates with his client. It’s part of a series called The Boyfriend Project, but can be
read as a standalone. The author is a great storyteller, and her characters are
likable and realistic.
The Dating Playbook starts by encouraging the reader to examine their own lives.
The author explores how our self-limiting beliefs affect our dating life. The result is
an organic friendship that blossoms into a blissful romance. The book has four parts,
each focused on building relationships and dating.
Ferebee shares sound dating advice for both sexes. His knowledge of psychology is
very helpful, and he explains why women crave sex. His writing style is about half
self-help content and 50% knowledge. You’ll get plenty of dating tips, but there’s
also a good deal of information that’s relevant to your own life. If you’re not a self-help guy, The Dating Playbook may not be for you. The content is not particularly
easy to follow, but it’s worth the read.

The Way of the Superior Man

David Deida’s book The Way of the Superior Man is a self-help book that gives men
the tools and techniques to succeed in dating and relationships. This book is for men
who want to learn how to get women to like them and develop their true
masculinity. It explores the nature of attraction and the way women think and is
intended to help men understand and appreciate women.
Superior men are authentic and give everything they have in life. Their love is
authentic and they embrace the values of their partners. We all need our partners to
some extent, but when we become overly dependent on another person, it can
damage our relationships. Women have a keen sensitivity to masculine energy and
know when they feel too dependent on a man.
The Way of the Superior Man: How to Date Women Who Value You and Respect You
is an easy-to-read guide that focuses on how to develop an emotional connection
with women. The author argues that a superior man is not dependent on a woman’s
approval or gratification; he recognizes that a woman can never fully satisfy him.
Instead, he values the women he loves and embraces their unique qualities. This
approach makes a superior man very desirable to women.
The Way of the Superior Man: A must-read book for men who want to improve their
communication skills with women. Although the book focuses on dating, it also
discusses how to create a masculine frame. This book is not for the faint-hearted,
but it will give you the tools and techniques to attract women.